Client A: I am nervous about meeting this woman tonight. I answered an ad in the personals because I really want to start dating, but I don’t know if this is such a good idea. I mean, what kind of people advertise in the personals? She might be a real wacko. I have pretty high standards for who I go out with, and I don’t want to waste time if we don’t get along. My past experiences have been pretty bad with dating. I go out and find someone I like, but then they never want to go out with me again (Hill, 2009).
So client A: states that he is skeptical about meeting a woman tonight. It seems that the client is ready to start dating but is unsure about the idea of it all. The client feels that he has high standards, and wonders in his mind what kind of individuals would try to find a date on personals. His past experiences in dating, makes the client wonder if it’s worth pursuing. In addition, his experiences has plenty to do with the client’s views on meeting someone new, being that when he meets someone they seem to never go out with him on a second date.
I wanted to make sure that while speaking with the client that I was able to paraphrase the information back to him to make sure I understood correctly. This will allow the client to effectively understand what information he has relayed to me, and to make sure that I the therapist was correct in comprehending what has been said. I hope while recapping this information that the client will be able to see the logic in his own reasoning of thinking. My goal is help the client find effective goals that can aid them in better success in dating and feeling more confident in him-self. In the client’s case, I find that it will be challenging to get the client to see their own issues with prejudgment of others. He has high standards and in some cases, it can be hard for him to find someone that is good for him due to his demands.
I have found in relationships that judgment can be one of the most damaging weapons in relationships, as it tells your partner or potential partner that it’s not okay to be them-selves. This builds resentment in them and will eventually crumble even the most intimate relationships. In this case, I think it is important to get the level of self awareness up. I think past experiences also need to be viewed by the client so that he can feel more comfortable with dating without being hard on him-self. I think in all he is seeking answers to why dates don’t seem to go any further than one encounter. It seems knowing this that they seek more help on wondering what is wrong with them. In this case, this is where self awareness comes in and whether or not the client is willing to accept change or what he has discovered.
In all, Self-awareness is important because “accurate self-awareness is essential for optimal daily life activities, as it allows adapting individual behavior to different situations according to one’s actual abilities. Accurate self-awareness thus prevents from risky or withdrawal behavior” (Chavoix & Insausti, 2017). In other words, self-awareness allows us to know what our limitations are, and allows us to make choices based on our capabilities. This is what goal I would like to implement with the client.
I just got back from visiting my family for Thanksgiving, and once again, I felt inadequate. My older brother was there, and he talked the whole time about how wonderful he is doing in his new position in a law firm. He entertained the family over dinner with all the cases he is working on. I just felt like I couldn’t get a word in edgewise and that nobody was interested in what I was doing. It reminds me of my whole childhood where I felt like I couldn’t compete with him because he was always the older, better brother (Hill, 2009)
Client B. States that they just returned from visiting their family for thanksgiving, and they felt inadequate as they normally do in visits. The older brother of the client seems to be most talkative and it seems on at the time the client visit that the brother spoke so much the client could hardly get a word in. The client even felt that the family was not interested in their accomplishments as the older brother. This brought back memories in the client of always feeling that they could not compete with the older sibling.
I felt that I should restate all information with the client to make sure I understood everything correctly. As I mentioned in first case, it gives the client a way to hear what they had said coming from therapist. This could have great effect on reasoning.
In this case, I look at this situation as this; while few adult siblings have severed their ties completely, approximately one-third of them describe their relationship as rivalrous or distant. They don’t get along with their sibling or have little in common, spend limited time together, and use words like “competitive,” “humiliating,” and “hurtful” to depict their childhoods. The speed with which old conflicts reduce these adults to children again prevents them from seeing one another in a new or different light. They push each other’s buttons without knowing why or how and recast themselves in childhood roles that never worked in the first place. With my client I would like to find out more dealing with the clients childhood. It all starts here I think. Once I have a better understanding in this case, it would help out tremendously.
Not only would I search childhood but also the relationship each child has with the mother and father. I would need to know if a level of praise or separation was a key factor. As the client speaks today they mention how they never seem to get the word or able to compete. In some form I feel that the client feels that they never can get the upper hand or feel appreciated ad he sees the older sibling. Parental action and inaction can have a long-lasting impact on the rivalrous relationship between siblings. Studies have shown that of the three sibling pairs, sister/sister pairs are the closest and brother/brother pairs are the most rivalrous. (Identical male twins tend to be the most competitive.) This is something to consider if the client indeed is a male. Sibling relationships are not fixed, however; they change dramatically over the years. Key life events in early and middle childhood can bring siblings closer together–or split them further apart. So I personally feel it will need to start with the clients childhood. Once we have a clear picture of this I can better aid the client.
Leder, J. M. (1993, January 01). Adult Sibling Rivalry. Retrieved November 29, 2017, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199301/adult-sibling-rivalry
What is Self-Awareness and Why is it Important in Counseling. (2017, October 02). Retrieved November 29, 2017, from https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/self-awareness/
Dr. Jaquetta Stevens